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2hijabz:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO FOOD INSIDE THE MASJID INCLUDING (BUT NOT LIMITED TO): KABOBS, GRYOS, BURGERS, RICE, FRUITS, VEGETABLES, TEA, COFFEE, PIZZA, PEPSI, ICE CREAM, BIRYANI, CURRY, HUMUS, SAMOSAS, PEQORAS, CHICKEN, NOODLES, MOUNTAIN DEW, ROOH AFZA, AND ESPECIALLY LAFFY TAFFY. 

EXCEPT: WATER AND DATES. YOU MAY BRING DATES AND H2O ONLY!!!

I’m going to go ahead and guess there was an incident with laffy taffy at this masjid.

goodcleanchristianfun:

cassbones:

Good reminder that every expert started out as an amateur

imageNot all of them

tastefullyoffensive:

Food Geometry [mrlovenstein]

tastefullyoffensive:

[thegreatbarcia]

ok so I’m nice so I’ll translate my faves

chekhovandowl:

image

(this is impossible to understand unless you speak the language, and even then, I am a little lost about how we got to where we are, not translating this one.)

- На выходные обещали  30 градусов жары!  - Да не может быть!  - Может! 15 в субботу...  и 15 в воскресенье!

"They promised us 30 degrees Celsius on the weekend!"

"I don’t believe it!"

"It’s true. 15 degrees on Saturday and 15 degrees on Sunday."

Однажды тракторист попробовал неделю не пить, и стал припоминать, что 10 лет назад приехал в эту деревню просто порыбачить...

"Once, a truck driver decided not to drink for a week to see what would happen and suddenly realized that he had come to this farm 10 years ago to just go fishing."

Притвориться кустом  смородины и другие способы не говорить привет проходящему мимо знакомому  человеку.

"How to disguise yourself as a cranberry bush and other methods of avoiding saying ‘hi’ to that person you know."

- Коллеги! Страну с колен мы подняли! Осталось поднять её с локтей...

"My colleagues, we’ve raised this country from its knees! Now we must work to also raise it from its elbows."

Такие времена настали,  что по-настоящему  доброе, умное и  интеллигентное лицо  можно увидеть только  в зеркале.

"In this day and age, the only kind, beautiful and intelligent face you will likely see will appear in the mirror."

На пятый день диеты мне начали сниться сны сексуального характера... Большая белая комната,  я медленно раздеваюсь,  подхожу к ванне..., наполненной борщом!

"On the fifth day of my diet I stared having some strangely sexual dreams… I’m in a large white room and I’m slowly undressing… I step over to the bathtub… and it’s full of borscht."

Срочно!!! Ищу родственников  в Таиланде, Египте можно  на Мальдивских островах...  Соскучилась, сил нет!!!

"I’m searching for relatives in Thailand, Egypt, and possibly the Caribbean Islands. I miss you so much, I just can’t stand it anymore!"

С утра выпил - весь день экстраверт

"Drink in the morning - be an extrovert the whole day!"

Наташа так быстро убегала  от маньяка, что уже  на втором круге  догнала его и  напала сзади.

"Natasha was so quick about running away from her maniac that on the second lap, she caught up to him from behind."

Source: Atkritka.com

demcats:

SPRORTS

whoredinarygirl:

if you wake me up by turning on all the lights, there’s a 100% chance that I’ve already started planning 10 different ways to kill you

Cosmo sex tip #738

englishcarrot:

when he pulls his pants off, immediately adopt a batman voice and say “WHERE IS IT”

oh nO

stevienitram:

johneg:

ohgod everybody needs to watch this

Cats are so fucking weird omg

i did something sort of stupid and i laughed at myself so now i’m gonna draw you a thing

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