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The Blind Banker: A Summary
Dogged Nice Guy: radiating unrequited love
Soo Lin: Please stop standing outside my flat at midnight with a boombox. The neighbours complain.
 ~LATER TIME~
Soo Lin: packing up
 OMINOUS RUSTLING
Statue: boo you whore
Soo Lin: MOTHER OF GOD
 -THEME MUSIC BREAKING IT DOWN-
John: I gon buy me some lettuce
Checkout: lolno
 -221B-
 Sherlock casually having a late morning near death experience with an armed assailant in his own flat
 -SHOPS-
John: work, you box of crap
Checkout: hell nah bitch no lettuce for you
John: WHORE OF A THING fuck this I'm out keep the fucking lettuce
Checkout: VICTORY FOR MY PEOPLE
 -BACK AT HOME-
John: honey I'm home
Sherlock: oh hello John I was just reading this book hmm yes where are the groceries
John: fucken chip and pin machines
Sherlock: ... I see.
John: listen Sherlock this is really out of character for me which shows kind of how desperate I am but if you could lend me a couple of fivers -
Sherlock: let's go to the bank
John: that was quick
 -BANK-
Sebastian: Hi, I'm a douchebag
Sherlock: This is my -
John: I'M NOT HIS BOYFRIEND
Sebastian: Yeah lol no one would want to be his boyfriend
Sebastian: We all hated him in uni
Sebastian: ahaha what a freak right
Sherlock: 
Sebastian: so buddy help me out here
 -cctv time-
Sebastian: weird as fuck right
Sherlock: dancing
John: at least I get money woah there are a lot of zeroes there
 -VAN COON'S APARTMENT-
Sherlock: HAY GURL HAY SO LOL I LEFT MY KEYS IN MY FLAT COULD YOUR GORGEOUS SELF BUZZ ME UP
Woman: sounds legit
Sherlock: invetigation in progress
John: let me in, you dick
Sherlock: Ooh, a dead body! I CALL IT
 -CALL IN THE POLICE-
Dimmock: Lestrade was eating a bagel so they sent me instead
Sherlock: what
Dimmock: -authoritative glare-
Sherlock: who does this bitch think he is
Dimmock: obviously this is a suicide
Sherlock: Obviously you're an idiot
Dimmock: what
Sherlock: more dancing
John: I have no explanation or apology for my friend's behaviour
 -CLASSY RESTAURANT-
Sebastian: you just ruined the punchline of my Japanese golfer joke
Sherlock: Seb a guy just got killed
Sebastian: searching for a fuck to give
John: what a wanker
 -GETTING A JOB AND A GIRL AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE I'M JOHN WATSON-
Sarah: giggling and twisting my hair round my finger
John: boooobbs
 -221B-
Sherlock: WHERE WERE YOU
John: ...out
Sherlock: I NEEDED A PEN
Sherlock: "SHE" WHO IS "SHE"
Sherlock: IS THAT WOMAN I SMELL ON YOU
 -POLICE STATION-
Dimmock: no way is voldemort back
Sherlock: are you shitting me how dumb are you
John: listen up you dumb fuck people are getting murdered
Dimmock: pics or it didn't happen
 -INVESTIGATING-
Sherlock: codes library advice
Happy-slapping hoodie with ASBOS and ringtones: nope. SHIT COPS
John: wait what
cops: caught you bitch
 -LATER-
John: sherlock you are the worst friend ever
Sherlock: shush John I'm thinking about murder
John: verbal keysmash of rage
Sherlock: that's cute now come and help me with shit
 -more investigating-
 YOU WANT LUCKY CAT? TEN POUN' ONLY TEN POUN' VERY CHEEAAAP
Sherlock: smugglers
John: I need food
Sherlock: dancing around a flat
John: HEY I'M SHERLOCK HOLMES AND I'M A MASSIVE DICKHEAD
Assailant: ninja attack
Sherlock: choking - not breathing
John: OH MY GOD SHERLOCK YOU ARE SUCH A DOUCHEBAG
 -TRAIN TRACKS-
John: SHERLOCK I FOUND CODES shit where did they go
Sherlock: DANCE WITH ME
John: sherlock this has to stop -
Sherlock: IT'S FOR SCIENCE
John: sherlock if we danced together it would be gay, they'd never make that canon, I mean dancing in a ballroom in formal gear in the middle of a case and in plain sight of everyone else, that would NEVER HAPPEN
 -MUSEUM-
Soo Lin: suttering heavy accented speech about smuggling rings and codes in books
 NOISE OUTSIDE WHICH INDICATES SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE IN THIS SCENE
Sherlock: RUNNING
John: Sherlock get your arse back here
Soo Lin: dead
Sherlock: ok we need books
 -BOOKS-
John: I need sleep oh fuck work
Sarah: that was unprofessional
John: I'll make it up to you with a date
Sarah: SURE
 -221B-
John: I have a date!
Sherlock: I didn't know we were going out tonight
John: no Sherlock just
John: no
 -CIRCUS-
Sherlock: Hello I'm John's other sexual partner
Sarah: what
Sherlock: I meant flatmate. Flatmate is the thing I meant.
John: sherlock please just fuck off and let me get sex
 CHINESE SPEAR TRICKERY
Sherlock: snooping around backstage
 NINJA ATTACK
Sarah: BEATS THAT GUY THE FUCK UP WITH MOTHERFUCKING LEAD PIPING
 -221b-
Sarah: I'm hungry
John: me too
Sherlock: I COULD BE HUNGRY IF I WANTED TO BE
Sarah: what's this?
Sherlock: I COULD HAVE BOOBS IF I WANTED
Sarah: just pointing out something that Sherlock Holmes didn't notice
sherlock: 
Sherlock: bitch
Chinese man: KIDNAPPING
Sherlock: JOOOOOHHHHNNNNN
 -TUNNEL-
General: GIVE US THE PIN MOTHERFUCKER
John: what
General: YES SHERLOCK HOLMES WE HAVE YOU NOWWW
John: what
General: FINE WE'LL JUST KILL YOUR GIRLFRIEND
John: WHAT
Sherlock: sup bitches
 INTENSE FIGHTING AND NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE
Sarah: crying
John: I promise I'll pay for the therapy
 -domestic breakfast at 221B-
Sherlock: jade pin smuggling ring
John: foooood
 -ELSEWHERE-
General: sorry I fucked up
Mysterious antagonist: that's sweet but I'm still killing you. SEB, GET ON IT
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